Hello my dear friends. Mere words are not enough to express how much you have been missed by myself, known heretofore as the Zombie Wrangler, as I travel across the populous wastelands of lesser-Europe and the Orient improving their sanitation (by killing zombies).

I hope this communique finds you well. I also hope to God and high heaven that  you remembered to add reactor fuel to the kotsdrodenikel shield generator last October.

If you have not, my calculations show they will be growing weaker until they fail catastrophically some time in July 2011. I know these operational matters have a way of being overlooked in economic crisis, but surely your civic leaders are familiar with the old saying “if reactor fuel ain’t found, ther’ell be zombies all-around!”.

I’m glad you have been convinced. Until fate thrusts us once again into proximity I remain your humble servant.

Friends, I must leave my beloved San Francisco in order to mitigate zombie outbreaks in other parts of the world. The kotsdrodenikel shields will keep you safe until my return. I have left you with almost a year’s supply of reactor fuel. Won’t you please ask the Mayor to top it off in the spring so as to prevent shield failure thus sparking the most terrible zombie catastrophe in recorded history? I would be most appreciative.

Now citizen, do your part to curtail the zombie apocalypse!

Send Mayor Newsom a message to show your support.

A zombie bar crawl? What in the world does that even mean? We professional wranglers never drink on the job. We must petition city hall to stop the importation of zombies except for research purposes by sober experts.

Zombie activity on the SF peninsula has been at an all-time low this summer, a sign that our microwave beam defense wall is working. But wait! What is this I see before me? Someone is importing zombies into the heart of our city for mere spectacle?!

This Will Not Do!

The Eatbrains team will descend upon this freak show with a fury unknown in the post-deluvian era!

This October: none will be safe.

See you in your full glory at 4PM tomorrow (Wednesday) – follow the red path outlined in the MAP starting with Marker A. Human observers with cameras will be following our movements! Walk responsibly and abide by the undead rules of conduct.

Link to more info.

We are not a public prank like the Pillow Fight. We are an organized team of professionals. How dare they!

Possible Suspects by Steve Rhodes

Photo evidence has been flooding the internet tubes. We may have found evidence of sabotage, perhaps someone did not want our zombie eradication efforts to succeed.

A suspicious character wearing a Guy Fawkes mask was seen fiddling with our positransic beam generator just before the failure. Any information leading to his apprehension will be greatly rewarded.

More photos tagged “Eatbrains”

Oh the horror! Our positransic beams were an utter failure! Three hundred fifty rotting zombies shuffled through the Gate of Eradication unperturbed, spreading blood and chaos through the Union Square area.

This video may hold the answer

We are researching what may have caused the failure. If you have photo or video documentation that might help us, please send links to mob[at]eatbrains(dot)com. Tag your photos with “eatbrains” and “eatbrains08″. We will release our findings in a couple days.

Thank you good citizens, your cooperation makes great things possible.

Click here for a larger map

The time has come! At 2:05 PM Saturday August 16th, the horde will descend from the Blue Monolith!

As you know, our telepathic radio zombie attraktor signal renders zombies mostly harmless, making them crave duct tape instead of human flesh. The only way you would become one of the mob would be if you:

1. Put a small duct tape ‘X’ where zombies can see it (don’t wear anything you value)
2. Intercept the mob somewhere along the route (at towers or RED areas marked on the map)

Other effects of the attraktor include:

• The mob has no leaders, only a map and these guidelines.
• Zombies don’t get blood on innocent bystanders or their things.
• Zombies leave private property reasonably soon after being asked.
• Zombies are responsible for their own actions and keep fellow zombies in line.

Those who which to document the gruesome eradication should make an attempt to attach the tag/keyword “eatbrains” within the meta data of any media posted to the internet. If you are still in the city during the attack, tune into the Twitter stream which is updated live with information about the whereabouts of the undead vermin horde crawling through the streets of our fine San Francisco.

Once we have collected all the zombies in the area, they will be guided though the “Gate of Eradication” where our Positransic Beam will incinerate undead flesh. Unfortunately we haven’t had time to test this technology on undead humans, but lab results were very promising.

Our zombie wranglers have used advanced geo-statistical algorithms to select a route for the operation this Saturday. It will be made available to the public at the earliest prudent moment. In the mean time keep spreading the word, good people of San Francisco.

And now we pause for a moment to remember one of own who was overcome by undead in Vienna due to confusion over the metric system.