Friends, It is time to ring the alarms! Zombies are coming! Email everyone you know so they can stay out of harm’s way!
As the date draws near it becomes undeniably clear that a zombie hoard will reach downtown San Francisco on Friday, May 25th around 6pm. This is unfortunately at the same time as the Critical Mass bike ride. They must be notified of the impending danger, for the love of all that is holy!
By Wednesday I will be able to publish detailed information about the route the undead will likely take, projected from topographic and demographic information of the area. It seems that high traffic shopping districts are most attractive to these soulless ghouls.
You (and your loved ones who email firstname.lastname@example.org) will receive further details as soon as it is safe to release them.
Do not despair, together we are strong!
– Zombie Wrangler, Containment Specialist